1. Consciousness: That annoying
time between naps.
2. Be nice to your kids. Someday
they’ll choose your nursing
home.
3. Give me ambiguity or give me
something else.
4. Wear short sleeves. Support
your right to bare arms.
5. Everyone has a photographic
memory. Some are just out of
film.
6. I let my mind wander but it
never came back.
7. I used to eat a lot of natural
foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
8. A bachelor is a man who
believes in life, liberty, and the
happiness of pursuit.
9. If a mime is arrested, does he
have the right to remain silent?
10. I intend to live forever. So far
so good.
11. Insanity is hereditary. You get
it from your children.
12. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it
naked or homeless?
13. Everyone makes me smile. Most
when they arrive, the others when
they leave.
14. Would a fly without wings be called
a walk?
15. I used to think I was indecisive but
now I’m not so sure.
16. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
17. We were born naked, wet & hungry.
Then things got worse.
18. They say, “All good things must
come to an end”. I just want to know
when they start.
19. When I told my wife to pull the plug
if I was ever in a vegetative state,
she unplugged the TV. LPK
20. A new scientific study has
revealed that if your parents
didn’t have children, neither
will you.
21. I started out with nothing and I
still have most of it.
22. If a parsley farmer is sued, can
they garnish his wages?
23. I’m not into working out. My
philosophy is no pain, no pain.
24. I will always treasure my first
misconceptions of you.
25. If at first you don’t succeed,
don’t try skydiving.
26. Ask me about my vow of
silence.
27. Parachute for sale. No strings
attached.
28. Stop repeat offenders. Don’t
re-elect them.
29. Corduroy pillows: They’re
making headlines!
30. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
31. A clear conscience is usually a
sign of a bad memory
time between naps.
2. Be nice to your kids. Someday
they’ll choose your nursing
home.
3. Give me ambiguity or give me
something else.
4. Wear short sleeves. Support
your right to bare arms.
5. Everyone has a photographic
memory. Some are just out of
film.
6. I let my mind wander but it
never came back.
7. I used to eat a lot of natural
foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
8. A bachelor is a man who
believes in life, liberty, and the
happiness of pursuit.
9. If a mime is arrested, does he
have the right to remain silent?
10. I intend to live forever. So far
so good.
11. Insanity is hereditary. You get
it from your children.
12. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it
naked or homeless?
13. Everyone makes me smile. Most
when they arrive, the others when
they leave.
14. Would a fly without wings be called
a walk?
15. I used to think I was indecisive but
now I’m not so sure.
16. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
17. We were born naked, wet & hungry.
Then things got worse.
18. They say, “All good things must
come to an end”. I just want to know
when they start.
19. When I told my wife to pull the plug
if I was ever in a vegetative state,
she unplugged the TV. LPK
20. A new scientific study has
revealed that if your parents
didn’t have children, neither
will you.
21. I started out with nothing and I
still have most of it.
22. If a parsley farmer is sued, can
they garnish his wages?
23. I’m not into working out. My
philosophy is no pain, no pain.
24. I will always treasure my first
misconceptions of you.
25. If at first you don’t succeed,
don’t try skydiving.
26. Ask me about my vow of
silence.
27. Parachute for sale. No strings
attached.
28. Stop repeat offenders. Don’t
re-elect them.
29. Corduroy pillows: They’re
making headlines!
30. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
31. A clear conscience is usually a
sign of a bad memory
